Today’s my birthday and what they say in my country is that I’m changing the prefix. I turn that age where I have to admit that I’ve reached half of my life.
This is it. This is the weirdest milestone of them all.
Suppose I don’t get ill, if I don’t get run by a car, or if aliens don’t kidnap me for the sake of experimenting on my ass, this could be halfway into living my life. The funny part is that all these could have happened even before this mathematical milestone. But it didn’t! So here I am… still death-free.
I kind of hate the “40 things I’ve learned till 40” type of articles, so the hell with those. I did not learn anything worth mentioning that others didn’t already write about. The key phrase is this “I did not learn enough” — I could’ve, but my lazy ass was distracted by living itself, which is hard enough if you think about it. Every generation has its struggles and complaints. We have it the worse. No, we have it. Our grandparents had it. It really doesn’t matter in the Great Equation if there is one. It doesn’t matter how you position yourself in history in terms of complaining. Everybody had it hard.
So, why think about it?
My excuses are meaningless.
So far, I did not do a great job at living from the World’s perspective towards success. I did not invent a cancer cure or some innovative cold fusion thingy. I am just another human blending into humanity — the sum of all idiots living this Planet and almost killing it (an idiot as well). I consume too much water. I use electricity from bad sources. I drive a car. I eat things that weren’t meant for my body (like weird cream cheese).
I did well.
In my little private World created for my small family, I think I was worthy of being part of it. I love the intimacy of my small tribe, so I’m not going to start talking about how wonderful each individual is. I love them, and I strongly think I am not an asshole parent, husband, or friend. I may be wrong.
What keeps popping out in my head today.
I love the feeling of accomplishment for the simple fact that I made it so far. It is like a piece of prolonged luck that I’ve been gifted with.
I am excited at the opportunity of having at least another 40 years of my life in which I don’t need to spend 30 of them trying to learn the basics.
Life’s Basic Training is DONE.
I don’t even care if I’ve learned enough or not. It is done. The pressure is off now in terms of excuses. I can no longer say, “I did not know about this ’cause I haven’t been faced with this situation before.” From now on, I can say with all my heart, whenever I do something wrong, “You stupid mofo!” and laugh about it. In a guilt-free way and not punishing way, I will start admitting the obvious: I will never learn all of it. I am never going to be ready for Life.
Strangely enough, today is the day I can afford to have a mindset of “I don’t care about this mistake anymore” because there is a countless pile of them right aside from me that no longer has a “trial and fail” value. Do you get it? I only have the “Fail” tag in one hand and “Success” in the other. All my actions are going to be from now on tagged in a black and white matter. And that, for me, is alright.
I no longer need to learn from my mistakes
I am officially too old for this “excuse.”
Again, not because I’ve reached a level of wisdom that allows me to be that arrogant. Not because I’m so smart, but because THERE IS NO MORE TIME for this bullshit.
If I did not learn enough in my first half of life, THEN now, I’d know I am stupid. And that is refreshingly comforting. One of my biggest fear of all time till now was that the “Crazy people don’t know they’re crazy!” and it is equivalent: “Stupid people don’t know they’re stupid!”.
And by stupid…
I am referring to the fact that there is an abundance of resources available to us in this World. We’re living the greatest moment in human existence. And yes, roughly enough, I think one that doesn’t know how to take advantage of these opportunities is stupid. A happy stupid that is free from the burden of doing it in a certain way for the World’s sake.
I think the World puts pressure on smart people, making them believe that…
“I am smart and that means I need to change the World because otherwise WHY would’ve I been given the mind for it?”
Being stupid is fine.
It is relaxing to finally understand that it is not up to me to do things other than the majority. When you know you’re not strong enough to lift 500 kilos, then you won’t even try it. You’ll work out at your level and be happy with it.
Self-aware stupidity is a gift.
I think it is more of a curse to THINK you’re smart enough to make it (professionally) than KNOWING you’re not and accepting your limitation as a given.
All my life, I thought I was smart.
And maybe I was just plain and stupid. I have all the failures to prove that, but I still did not believe it. In the backend of my mind, I still consider myself special, and it’s the source of a lot of tiredness. It’s exhausting to feel smart and not to produce comfortable world-changing success professionally.
The next 10 years.
If I don’t get comfortable money-wise in the next decade, then I deserve to be “poor” in the next decade. If my current tool chest is not enough, then… I will have the time of my life trying stupid things with a different attitude.
Being this “old” allows me to no longer…
- work for free and try to help out people that cannot afford me — THANK GOD! I had enough of this type of “pay your way” into getting experience.
- invest time in helping people out to see their true potential — I won’t care anymore about other’s gold in the dirt type of things
- partner up with people that are less successful than me — I am going to have a loser free policy